Mirror, Mirror

I've had several lovely people lately tell me I look great and I am so grateful for their kind words! They ask me what I'm doing differently and so I thought I'd share what I've been up to.

I've lost 11 pounds. Yep, 11! That may not sound like a lot to you, but it has gotten me back to where I was when I got married and before I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. Wahoo! I'm a tantalizing 4 pounds away from being under 200 for the first time in many, many years, but I know I can get there. I still have 30-50 more pounds to go, depending on how serious I want to take this. That's still up for debate. Want to know my secret for my AMAZING 11 pound success? Okay, yes I do the whole calorie counting thing and no, I have not started exercising--yet. While these are essential to long term health and success, I actually did something that had a more immediate effect on my outlook on life. I went shopping!

Big flippin' deal, right? WRONG! I hate shopping. Like, really hate it. I am a weird non-girly-girl when it comes to shopping. I like to HAVE lots of clothes and shoes, but I despise actually picking them out. Why? Because usually they don't fit. Nothing fits. I am 5'9" and 203 pounds. I'm fairly well proportioned, but I have a healthy booty and a 6-baby-belly-gut. For some reason apparel designers do not believe tall women can be bottom heavy, I don't know why. What I do know is that it has taken me 10 years to find a pair of pants that fit like a dream. And when you find pants after having looked as long and depressingly as I have, you want to BUY ALL THE PANTS! But you restrain yourself and only purchase 2, because they are expensive and you want to keep losing weight, and will presumably be buying more sooner or later.

Also, I do not like spending money on myself. We are a one income family of 8 and mommy does not need to be spending a bunch of time away from the family to go to 13 different stores looking for clothes just to come home angry and exhausted. We have better things to spend our money on, right? But what about how unhappy I am with how I look and feel? Those feelings seep into my mood and my ability to take good care of my family. Sure, I would love to go to the gym every day and maybe someday that will happen, but my current season of life is not condusive to it.  Of course, money cannot buy happiness, but a pound of chocolate a day doesn't either. So what's a girl to do?

About two months ago, I had the crazy notion that summer was coming to an end and it was about to be pants wather. Silly me! Regardless, I went through my closet to find my pants and I couldn't find a single pair of non-maternity pants or bras, anywhere. The ONE pair of pants I was wearing had wholes in unseamly places and I knew they wouldn't last much longer. I also didn't realize it at the time, or more accurately I chose not to think about, but I was wearing clothes that didn't fit me. They were TOO BIG! What a great problem to have, right?! Well honestly, wearing clothes that were too big just made me feel frumpy and unattractive. I didn't like looking in the mirror because even with my 'nice' clothes on, I still looked big. I would lose a few pounds and I couldn't tell because my clothes were already baggy to begin with, so I would go back to eating crazy amounts of chocolate and cry because I gained those few pounds back. I was the steriotyical stay at home mom in yoga pants, covered in spit up and rice crackers. And I was extremely unhappy.

So when I went shopping at my store and they were out of my size pants, I nearly cried. But instead, I grabbed a pair a size smaller, just to see how far away I was from actually fitting into them. I sat down in the dressing room and put one leg in and, to my surprise, they didn't get stuck at the knee! I slipped them all the way on, I stood up and prepared to suck in my gut, but didn't have to. They were comfortable everywhere, no pouching on the back side and no muffin top! HALLELUJAH! I looked great and I was glowing! I had a bra fitting next and the gal said I was a cup size smaller than I thought I was. I said, "yeah right, I've had 6 babies in 8 years, there is no way I'm SMALLER than I was before." And, again, to my surprise, I tried it on and, wait for it...I looked fabulous! No more readjusting all day long, pouching out the sides or porn star cleavage!

After these essentials were found, I was feeling really brave and decided to try my favorite store from college. I have always walked passed it quickly in the mall, because frankly I just can't stand to look in and see stuff I can't have. It's like a fudge shop. Just keep walking. But this time, I took a chance. I gave myself a budget and worked the super sweet Labor Day sales to my advantage and I managed to get a new set of tops that actually fit me (there are even some medium sizes in there!!). I walked out tall and smiling!

I am doing my hair and make-up almost everyday (if you know me, you know this is a BIG deal!), because I just want to feel good! It used to be a joke with my girlfriends that if someone told me I looked good or well rested, it was usually beause I was actually wearing make up that day, But now, I like seeing myself in the mirror now because before all I saw was a frumpy, fat, mom who wanted to hide away in her house and couldn't stop eating chocolate (I don't know what you see in your mirror, but mine is incredibly unfriendly sometimes). Now, I see an attractive, confident daughter of God who has the ability to make someone else's day brighter.

My new clothes feel better and better the more weight I lose and I know that when they start feeling baggy, it's time to search for new ones and pass on these good clothes to those who may need to smile. My new clothes didn't take away my stretch marks, or chicken wing arms, or keep my thighs from rubbing together. But all those things are beautifully packaged and I thank God for the extra little bit of money he sent our way so I could do something nice for myself. And you know what? My inner-happiness has lead to greater family happiness, because when mommy is happy, EVERYONE is happy! I'm not saying you have to throw out everything and spend a fortune or go into debt in order to be happy. Vanity is certainly not the goal, but don't sell yourself short, mama. Take the time you need for yourself and let God shine through your confidence and self worth. Even though my clothes are still covered in spit-up and rice crackers, I actually look forward to getting showered and dressed every day. I still enjoy my yoga pants, but they are luxieries to be earned after a good long day, instead of standard uniform.